That Subj: Welcome to Jordan
Date: 7/5/02 10:38:36 م Egypt Daylight Time
From: king_3abdullah@hotmail.com
To: arabtimes@aol.com

Tourist’s guide to Jordan

01- Everyone you meet says they have an 'important cousin' in the government.
02- Every car on the road has an arm hanging out of the window with a dirty pointing finger.
03- Every sign in English has a spelling mistake.
04- Every elevator has a toxic odor.
05- Everyone has a black dark thick mustache.
06- Everyone you meet complains.
07- All the chicks you meet look alike.
08- All chicks you meet dress alike.
09- All chicks you meet can't think straight.
10- Everyone's grandfather was the first in the country to buy a Mercedes.
11- Everyone you meet was rich in the past.
12- 99.6 % of the people you meet have applied for a Green Card.
13- Everyone stares at you for no specific reason.
14- A seven month postdated check is considered cash.
15- No one you meet speaks English but somehow refuses to speak in any other language but English.
16- Everyone you meet has a cousin living in Chicago.
17- Every other car you see is a 1980 model two door BMW.
18- All nightclub bouncers salute you with the words 'couBles only' and welcome you in.
19- You notice a market niche for deodorants.
20- The average age for marriage is 14 for females and 19 for males.
21- You see a car accident every kilometer.
22- You see thousands of people crowding over a beautiful girl.
23- Anyone who tries to speak in English says 'ya3ni' after every word.
24- Wasta is the solution to all problems.
25- Every other guy is called Mohammed.
26- Every family name rhymes with tatatat.
27- Everyone is the General Manager.
28- Everyone thinks road signs are only there for decorative purposes.
29- Everyone has problems with the bank.
30- When traveling to the States you are confronted with thousands of people asking you to deliver big ugly bags to their cousins there.
31- When at the airport someone feels your crotch at the security checkpoint.
32- When suddenly at a police station or any other governmental department everyone becomes everyone's cousin.
33- When the sight of people cueing up in line becomes invisible.
34- Every one in downtown (el-balad) bumps into your shoulder because you dress different.
35- Four to six people are gathered on each corner.
36- The percentage of unemployment is 99.9 %.
37- Whenever you ask somebody from where they buy their clothes, they'll say: Mecca Street (el baleh).
38- At seven o'clock in the morning, you see a lot of people walking with Hummos plates in their hands.
39- You see two guys fighting over what they call "my girlfriend", and the poor girl does not know either one of them.
40- Everyone goes on a trip to el Ghore.
41- Guys have tattoos on their arms that say either "3'addar ya zemen" or "be7ebek yamma".
42- In Jordan, they fuck chicken, for real.
43- On the traffic light they honk as soon as the light turns green.
44- The greatest invention in Jordan is "moos abu el sabe3 tekkat" (= a pocket knife that ticks seven times as it unfolds).
45- The most common addiction in Jordan is sniffing "tinner".
46- The only house that has an address is the king's palace.
47- A tow truck in Jordan is four guys from the refugee camp.
48- Trash is thrown around the dumpster, not inside. The inside is for cats.
49- If you go to el basheer hospital, you'll know what "meat market" means.
50- You are allowed to spare only 35 bullets if you are in the service, any extra ones you use, you will pay for yourself.
51- If you hook up with a hooker, you'll go to the well known place: el wady.
52- I think it is just funny to say "Amanet Amman el Kubra".
53- Greeting anywhere you go is: "aish ya bou el shabab".
54- The wake-up calls in Jordan are :
55- The phrase "el kull 3al balad" indirectly implies "el kull 3a jhannam".
56- If el Ghore is too hot, your trip will be diverted to "el sa7a el hashmeyyeh".
57- The same person who physically search you at the airport when the metal detector fails to beep, since they never plugged it in the wall, will tell you "taraak 7laiwa" if you do not have any weapons.
58- Original copy of any tape has a sticker on a copy that says "original" for which you pay an extra "bareezeh".
59- You have the option of buying a Cheese Burger with no cheese.
60- Jordan TV makes the majority of its income from Daraghmeh commercials.
61- Should you decide not to buy a "Yanaseeb" ticket, you must allow the yanasibji to grab your boob.
62- A typical packed bag of watermelon seeds from basman has a label that reads "100 % natural 7’ara" in the place of ingredients.
63- The procedure to check for leaks in propane canisters or vessels (istiwanet 3’az) always yields: 7 fatalities, 27 injuries with first degree burns, and 3 buildings being leveled because they check for leaks with a lighter.
64- You go to the Friday prayers wearing Nike shoes, and you'll come back wearing zannooba.
65- Notarizing a paper means having it signed by 200 officials, 60 government agencies (all in different parts of the country), and stamping it with "tawabe3 iradat".
66- The best time to commit a crime is right before the king's birthday because you will be out the next day in a "3afo malaki" (= royal amnesty).
67- Nobody and no business can change a 10 dinar bill.
68- In order to get a telephone service for your kids, your grandfather has to apply for one.
69- Amman international airport closes at 9:00 (am not pm).
70- Prostitutes sell lettuce.
71- Jordanian 101: H4 = le jfoor, H5 = el jafayef, overall = oberhall.
72- Jordan is Y2K compliant (due to the non-existence of computers).
73- If you want to know how did you look when you were in the kindergarten, just go to "el-ta3bea' wa el-tajneed" in tabarbour, they have all your pictures in your "othbara" (= file).
74- If you want to get rid of your wife, take her to "el-ba7ar el-mayyit" (= the dead sea).
75- Bikini on "el-ba7ar el-mayyit" beach means "deshdasheh" for women and jeans for men.
76- There is a Chinese boot hanging from every 3amood kahraba.
77- The NRA in Jordan is lobbying to legalize the most demanded weapon: "moos abu el sabe3 tekkat".
78- The only reason that the people of Jordan are still alive is that "3ozraieen" (= the angel of death) is disgusted to go there.
79- Shopping centers are for "3ailat fagat" (= families only).
80- The special forces unit of the Jordanian army is called "3arab el-badieh", they are armed with "ganwat".
81- People in Jordan think that "3arab el-badieh" can take on the U.S. Navy Seals.
82- The Jordanian army has the best music band and is the fastest in land withdrawal in the entire world. The west bank was handed over to Jews in less than 10 minutes.
83- Everybody smokes, but nobody buys cigarettes (sho3'ol salbatah).
84- Every other guy owns a Mercedes, and refers to it as his house.
85- The definition of success is winning a game of "tarneeb".
86- Being ingenious ( a.k.a. dagig ala snanak) means you just won a game of "trix" right after winning a game of "tarneeb".
87- In Jordan, people go to McDonald's looking for the US ambassador to get a Visa.
88- In Jordan, it is very easy to get around, the country's map has one single Highway drawn on it, "Autostrad 3mman El 3agabeh".
89- Cellular phones are carried on the left side to balance the "madalieh" on the right.
90- At the airport, the plane is "FULL" if you are 5 hours early.
91- Jordanians saw Saddam on the moon, and without binoculars.
92- Vegetables are priced by the government.
93- You could be 30 years old and don't have your own passport, because you're added to your mother's passport as a child.
94- Jordan is the only Arabic country that has a Friday and Saturday weekend.
95- If Jordanian men want to look at women, they go to 3amman el gharbeyeh.
96- When you go to visit someone, they ask you what you'd like to drink, so they send a kid to the "dokkan" to get it for you.
97- Vimto is the popular drink.
98- When someone asks a Jordanian about his/her name, they recite at least 4-5 names (name, father's name, grandfather's name, great grandfather's name, finally family name).
99- When a Jordanian gets a passport, his/her name is abbreviated, no room for the five names in English.
100- Jordanian history books are your only source for the alleged: “el thawra el 3arabeyyeh el kubra” – whatever that is.
101- The commander-in-chief of the Jordanian armed forces is British, “Glub Pasha”.